


hell-mart (all i want for christmas is you)

by catchingtheblues



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Dave rambling, Fluff, I Love Dave Strider, Insecure!John, M/M, Retail AU, anxious!dirk, bro's mentioned and an asshole, dave and dirk being Good Brothers, softbois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-02-13 17:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12988593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchingtheblues/pseuds/catchingtheblues
Summary: Your name is Dirk Strider and you're a socially anxious disaster and you stumble upon John, an employee at Hell-Mart and a friend of Dave's. And he doesn't have anywhere to go for Christmas, so...





	hell-mart (all i want for christmas is you)

**Author's Note:**

> vaguely a college au? john's like 21, dave's 20, dirk's 24. john's in his 3rd year, dave's in his 2nd, dirk quit school to watch after dave and lucked into a job at a robotics lab.  
> bro's hella dead, been dead for 5 years maybe?  
> 

You like the holidays, because you like getting Dave gifts. The smile that broke his pokerface when you gave him his first turntables? One of the best moments of your life. It was after Bro died and Dave had been so conflicted, unsure how to feel. He wanted to use the turntables, because he’s always loved music, but he felt like he couldn’t because they were Bro’s. So you got him his own and he tackled you into a hug.

What you don’t like about the holidays is actually shopping. Most shit you can do online (thank god) but apparently this shirt is only sold by Wal-Mart and it’s not online, because fuck you and fuck your entire life.

But Dave wants it. So you’re braving Wal-Mart on December 21st, because it’s gonna make Dave happy.

The store is ridiculously busy, as you expected, and people keep bumping into you. Your patience is wearing thin, very quickly. You’re ready to deck the next asshole who pushes you aside for a fucking t-shirt.

What the fuck is wrong with people? And you can’t flashstep because there’s people everywhere. You want to tell yourself that you won’t do this again, but you will. You’re always going to do anything for Dave.

You manage to get out of the throng of people and you escape to the auto section, because nobody’s there except an employee.

The social anxiety is kicking in a little bit and you’re overwhelmed, trying to control your breathing. But, Dave. You exhale through your nose and the employee jumps when he turns around to see you.

“Fu—shoot. You’re really quiet. Uhh. Are you okay?”

You nod.

“... Okay. Wait a sec.” He turns to look at you closer. “Dirk?”

You lift an eyebrow. “Do I know you?” You don’t remember him, and you think you would have, because he’s hot as fuck. You have a type, and he’s that type.

“Oh, no, sorry, Dave’s my friend. Dave’s talked about you, and y’know, you two look a lot alike. I gave him the Aviators, I’m John.” He smiles and sticks his hand out. Yeah, you’ve heard Dave talk about him, they met a year and a half ago, during Dave’s first year at college. You told Dave he could bring the kid over, but John works and goes to school, so he doesn’t have a lot of free time.

You shake his hand. There goes hitting on him, that’d be weird for Dave.

“He’s told me a lot about you,” John says, turning back to the shelf that he’s organizing. “You work in a lab, right? The Zahhak Lab. I actually know Equius. Dave said you didn’t even need to finish school ‘cos you’re pretty much a genius, that’s awesome.” He straightens a box.

Fuck, how do you even respond to that? “Thanks,” you manage.

John smiles wryly. “He said you weren’t very talkative, either. _I talk enough for the two of us_ ,” he imitates Dave’s voice, a little deeper than his own, total deadpan. “He actually invited me over for Christmas.”

You frown a little. “Aren’t you alone here? Your dad and sister live back in Washington?”

“Yeah. I was able to go back the last two years but I couldn’t take off a full week this year.”

“So you’re going to be alone on Christmas?”

He shrugs. “Yeah. I get off at 11 the night before so I figured I would just sleep, chill out.”

“You should come over.”

John stops and looks at you, surprised. “Dave said you hate people. I thought it would be awkward for you so I didn’t want to intrude, and I still don’t want to intrude, I don’t wanna be that guy who’s crashing someone else’s Christmas—”

“Come over,” you say again. “It’ll be…” Fun? Maybe? Awkward? Probably. Strange? Definitely. You haven’t ever invited someone over for Christmas. “... good. It’ll be good for all of us.” You work on your people skills, Dave gets to have his friend over, John doesn’t have to be alone.

He smiles brightly and _fuck_.

“Thanks. I’ll see you then!” You nod and get the hell out of there before you make it weird.

x

“Ran into your friend,” you tell Dave when you get inside. He’s playing a game but he pauses it.

“John? Why the fuck were you at Wal-Mart? Unless he got another job, which is possible. Dude does _not_ know how to take a break. I don’t know if he sleeps, ever. Who needs to sleep when you can instead, not sleep, and be ten times as productive?” He rambles, and you smile a little. “Anyway, Wal-Mart, why?”

“Shopping.”

He makes a face and gets up to reach for the bag. You hold it away from him, planting a hand on his shoulder to keep him away. “It’s a present, isn’t it? Lemme seeeeee,” he whines, flails at you. You didn’t let him starve himself or work out until he puked after Bro died, even though he tried. But he’s softer now, gained some weight, and you’re glad that he finally feels safe.

You’re also glad that he can’t wrestle anything away from you.

“Nope, you gotta wait. Only a couple days.”

He pouts, but lets you go, flops onto the couch. “So cruel. Anyway, what’s up with John? He’s a nice guy. Doesn’t talk as much as I do, but, let’s be honest, that probably wouldn’t work. I tried to invite him over for Christmas because Hell-Mart actually closes Christmas day, but he was all I don’t want to intrude and trying to tell me that Skyping with his dad and sister for an hour is enough. But the dude’s as stubborn as you are.”

You toss the bag into your room and return to the living room, drop on the couch next to him. “He’s coming over.”

Dave looks surprised. “You got him to come over? Not to rag on your people skills, but you have no people skills whatsoever. Did you threaten him into it?”

You roll your eyes. “He said he was gonna be alone, I told him he didn’t have to be.”

Dave picks up the other controller for you. “You’re such a softie.”

x

You’re in the kitchen, wearing this ironic apron that Dave gave you few years back, while you prep the food. John’s coming over at noon and Dave is insisting on waiting to open presents until then. He went out the same day you invited John over, to get him a bunch of gifts that he clumsily wrapped himself.

Dave has planned out the entire day. John arrives at noon. The three of you open presents, then eat, then marathon Christmas movies. You’re having a nice lunch but for dinner, you’re having pizza rolls, like you always used to. Dave insisted on it. You’re just glad you compromised to have real food today too.

You slide the pan into the oven and take off the apron. You have a little bit of time before John gets here, so you relax on the couch next to Dave. “Relax”. Yeah right. Your insides are buzzing with anxiety. People aren’t your thing. You only deal with them when you have to.

But this’ll make Dave happy, and John deserves Christmas. Maybe it’ll be okay.

Dave leans on you. He knows you too goddamn well. You sit back and try to force yourself to loosen up.

“It’s gonna be fine, John’s nice. Like normally I like people who are kind of assholes, like Rose, you know how she is. But then there’s people like John who are hella nice. Little bit of a prankster but I told him to tone it down. He’s mostly just tired.” Dave frowns. “Poor dude’s gonna work himself to death. Today’s gonna be good, though. For both of you dorks.”

You jab his thigh and he laughs, pokes your stomach. “No embarrassing me!”

“It’s my job to embarrass you.”

Dave pouts.

“Don’t worry, I promise I won’t be too bad.”

“You roast me and I roast you. Are you ready for these sick burns? You’ll need more than burn cream, that shit’s for mild burns. You’re gonna need a doctor, maybe several doctors. You’ll be stuck in the burn unit for weeks, we’re talkin’ third degree. Be ready, dude.”

You snort and there’s a knock on the door, so you get up and open it.

John’s there, holding a huge box with a foil-covered tray on top. “Hi, Dirk.” He smiles tiredly. “I made some cake.”

“You don’t even like cake! Or are you a liar?” Dave gasps dramatically.

“I don’t, but my dad’s got all these recipes, so.” John shrugs and you take the box from him. There’s a bunch of wrapped presents sitting inside. “I got some gifts,” he says, with a little smile.

You both head inside and you set down the box by the little tree.

“Presents first! I’ll divvy them up.” Dave shoves you and John onto the couch and starts piling up gifts by your sides. He puts them on your opposite sides so you and John are forced to sit closer together. You and John have equal-sized piles, but Dave’s is bigger. You hope John isn’t upset about that.

Dave tears the paper off with reckless abandon, throwing it around carelessly. You take it all off carefully and fold it up, while John tears it but sets it in a little pile. Dave’s grinning and babbling thanks the whole time. He’s especially excited about the 3DS. He’s given John a bunch of _Ghostbusters_ merch, and you a bunch of tech stuff.

John got Dave some video games and t-shirts that you can definitely see him wearing. And he got gifts for you, which makes you blink. There’s a couple shirts but also a robot horse, which takes you aback.

“Remember how I said I knew Equius?” He asks with a smile when you stare at him.

“I knew you’d like it,” Dave says, grinning. “John told me he knew him and I was like _dude I have the perfect gift idea_. Equius had made it for his brother but he decided to make a bigger one, so he gave it to John,” Dave explains. “Which is fuckin rad.”

John laughs. “Thanks, Dave, I couldn’t have told the story by myself.”

“You know me, I’m a master storyteller. Thanks, anyway, both of you. A-plus gift-giving. If there was a gift-giving championship, you would tie for first place. Congrats, both of you. Let’s eat.”

So you all eat. Dave cajoles John into seconds because he’s nervous, about it, looking down at his belly, and you shake your head, shut that shit down. Dave babbles about how he’s “a chubby, soft guy, the softest, it’s the best”. Eventually John smiles and he relaxes.

The three of you move to the couch and Dave passes out, curled up in the corner, almost instantly. Fuck, there goes your buffer. You flip on the TV to a Christmas movie marathon.

“Thanks,” John says in the middle of _A Christmas Story_. “For all of this.”

“No one should be alone on Christmas.”

He shrugs. “I would’ve been okay.”

“I know, but it’s still nice to have somewhere. Anytime you wanna come over, you can. Dave really likes you. And you’re good company.” Fuck, fuck, fuck.

John’s _blushing_ , oh _fuck_.

“Thanks. So are you. I’m usually a goof but…” He shrugs.

“Dave says you work a lot.”

“Yeah. I gotta. I’m on a scholarship but they didn’t have a dorm for me, and my dad can’t really afford to pay for a room. I rent an apartment with this dude Karkat, has Dave told you about him? He’s in love with the guy.”

You smile. “Yeah, he has. He’s trying to flirt with him but you know Dave.”

“He’s doing his best,” John protests. “Karkat likes him too, but they’re both ridiculous.” He rolls his eyes. “Um. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you… dating someone?”

Oh fuck. Oh _fuck_. _Oh fuck_. Your mouth works for a moment but nothing comes out, while a million thoughts go through your head. He’s interested, but he barely knows you, he doesn’t know all the damage. And he’s Dave’s friend! That would be weird, and Dave comes first. You can’t. Right? What would Dave say?

You imagine him accusing you of ruining his friendship but you know he wouldn’t do that. You know you’re being irrational. Dave would probably tell you that you better treat him well, and he’d tell John the same thing about you. 

He would want you to do something nice for yourself. He’s always telling you that you need to date, he’s not a kid anymore, you don’t need to watch after him all the time anymore.

Fuck.

“I.” You swallow. “No.”

John nods rapidly. “That’s good. Well, not good, for you, you should be dating. Or not should, but you could be. I. If you wanted to, we could... do something, sometime.”

You make a sound that's similar to a cat being hit by a car.

Dave stirs. “Can you two shut the fuck up? Go find some mistletoe, go on a date, just shut up, I’m trying to take a nap.”

John’s blushing hard and you know you are too. “Dinner? Next week?” You ask.

He grins. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> catch me on [tumblr](http://peachykeenjack.tumblr.com)  
> comment for free pancakes


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